Its My DNA

The love for everything cool and vintage is encrypted in my genetic makeup

PASSION KILLING

This is increasingly becoming a popular trend in our once considered “safe communities”.

Wikipedia defines A crime of passion as an crime in which the perpetrator commits a crime, especially assault, murder or rape, against someone because of sudden strong impulse such as sudden rage or heartbreak rather than as a premeditated crime.

I think this definition needs broadening as most recent killings in our society have to a certain degree, a great element of premeditation. A typical scene is one where the perpetrator arrives at the victim’s home/workplace with a weapon and an intention to kill or hurt the victim and in some circumstance also ends his/her own life. (Premeditated murder is the crime of wrongfully causing the death of another human being after rationally considering the timing or method of doing so, in order to either increase the likelihood of success, or to evade detection or apprehension).

Passion killings result from various issues; I believe that most are a result of a break-up. One party fails to comprehend or accept that the other party wishes to move on with their lives without the other thus ending a relationship for his/her personal reasons. In most incidences men are dominantly the perpetrators and there is a myth that men are not genetically designed to deal with emotions and handle heartbreaks as well as women do. I think its more about their social upbringing (how boys were raised) than it being factual, this excuse is old and over-rated; it’s about time men learn to handle/deal emotions, accept themselves and accept failure and be men of honour.

Relationships are complex and one can never really apprehend the kind of love two people share, but I believe people should learn to avoid the feeling of “ownership” in a relationship, in which one individual (the submissive) gives to another (the dominant) ultimate authority over them, the days of slavery are long gone, no one can claim “ownership” over another human being. We should see each other as equals who respect each other’s equal abilities to make decisions including that to end or continue a relationship.

There are various debates about the issue; but I think the “ownership” concept in relationships can also be looked at against the backdrop of materialism that has gripped women in our society. The way young ladies have turned into dependents of their boyfriends makes it easy for men to control them and feel like they are their properties. And I think this is one of the key roots of passion killings. I am not justifying the killings but the anger is evoked. I don’t know of anyone who will walk away with a smile on their face after throwing away thousands of dollars on a dead-end relationship. Even if roles were to be reversed, the women would be angry too.

Women should learn to be self-depended and try to escape the materialistic pressures of this world, one of the fundamental advices that a mother gives to a child while growing up (exp in my culture) is to learn to be content with who you are and what you have. If you want to, but can not afford to look a certain way, to own a BlackBerry and/or expensive hair extensions, then motivate your self to work hard and avoid growing a dependency on men. Similarly if a man is willing to give into the material demands of his woman than he should be able to give whole heartedly without emotional conditions attached.

We need to realize that the “if I can’t have you, no one can” type of love is selfish, foolish and deadly. Young women confuse this and tend to see it as more of a love message than a threat note (which it is). Individuals should avoid being in a serious relationship until they are emotionally intelligent and matured enough to have the ability to identify, assess, control and communicate the emotions of oneself, of others.

The average man on the street‘s argument now is that women should avoid bad break-ups or be extra careful while doing it, I think there is no easy or less-painful method to end a relationship. And there is no formula to it either, we should just try to respect each other’s decisions and move on with our lives and avoid this gruesome act.

Family is the fount of morality, and the backbone of society, family sets the foundation and to teach us to love, respect and value ourselves. But “family” has gradually disintegrating, as evidenced by increased immorality, Extra-marital affairs and divorces and this does not set a good example for the love relationships for the youth. If ‘passion killings’ are a result of social change: what are we doing to manage and balance that change.

At the moment the nation is grieving and has a lot of questions in their minds. Mothers are praying for the safety of their children. We don’t know when the next perpetrator is going to strike, but until then please take care of your selves and your loved ones. There is always a solution to every problem, no storm last forever. And there are various ways to get over heartbreak.

May those who lost their lives in such gruesome killing rest in eternal peace! I live you with these words to consider.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.Love never fails.

 

Advertisements

YOU ARE ENOUGH

 By Lapaka Kaimbi

We live in a world that demands so much from individuals. And all this pressure can leave one feeling that you need to be a ‘certain’ way in order for you to fit in these world. There is pressure to look and act a certain way and/or to have certain things. I recently had a chat with a friend who was telling me about how she feels so drained because she has had three different relationships in the past 12 months. She felt because she is in her early twenties, a recent graduate just starting to build a career for herself she needs to have a man in her life to complete her.
This got me thinking, as much as my friend like everybody on this planet wants someone to love and be loved in return I believe this is not the right way of going about it. sometimes we look for external things to make us feel complete, this includes trying to please people, doing things self-destructing things like substance abuse, eating disorders ect. There are various examples I can give of what people do to make themselves feel adequate. But one sad reality is that these are all temporary ‘fixes’ and they wear off like any other drug This is a vicious cycle that doesn’t end until you realize one thing. THAT YOU ARE ENOUNG AS YOU ARE RIGHT NOW. .
We need to stop listening to what the world says and start believing what the one who created says about us. Yes you might not have long legs or be as smart as your sibling but whatever you have is more than enough for you and that’s what you are suppose to have at that time and should learn too be content with it. Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying you should not aim for that managerial job when all you are now is a clerk, no. Whatever dreams you’ve in your heart you must work hard to achieve. What I’m referring to here having a feeling of wanting to change yourself because you feel you are less of a person compared to the next person and then you end up doing things that take away your peace just to feel good about yourself.
The fact that you woke up this morning is good enough reason to make you feel good about yourself. Don’t let the world tell you your worth and look for acceptance from it. Because all you need to do to be happy is to accept that you are indeed ENOUGH. So go ahead and give yourself a big hug and tell yourself that you are ENOUGH.
To be beautiful means to be you. You don’t need acceptance from others. You just need to accept yourself.

10 Random Facts About Myself

  1. I secretly want to quit my 8-5 and run away to Europe for at least 2 years or so.…
  2. I am a quiet person if I am in an unfamiliar environment
  3. I am a perfectionist….although not in all areas of my life.
  4. I wish/want to travel more often.
  5. I guard my heart very well.. Maybe too much but don’t blame me! There ruthless people out there. 🙂
  6. I really want to fluent in Portuguese and Spanish maybe even isizulu
  7. I love interior decorations and fashion… odd that it doesn’t reflect into my personal style or space.
  8. I can worry my self to death.
  9. My BIGGEST fear is loosing my teeth…. Dont judge! I have my reasons
  10. I can’t stand ignorant and or close-minded young people. What a waste of brains!

African Inspired

Is Marrige The Ultimate Goal

I initially didn’t want to post about such serious issues but I couldn’t stop the urge to post this.
 
I recently read this article by Toolz, and wanted to share it with you guys. I agree completely with her, women all over the world are feeling the pressure from society to be married or at least be involved (leaning towards marriage) with a “potential husband” once they reach a certain age; my Namibian society is no different.
 
Most people (predominantly men) find it hard to believe that a26 plus year old woman is single; they tend to believe something is off beam with you and/or labeled as too “choosy”, I particularly try not to get into such debates nor try to validate the reasons for my relationship/marital status as I might come off as a female chauvinist. I’m not against marriage, if you met your soul-mate at an early age (out of school/university) than to God be the Glory, but most of the time circumstance are really out your control and if you happen to be at that particular “age” and are starting feel the pressure, my advice to you is that don’t give into these demands, there is no need to rush into marriage or into a very detrimental relationship just to validate yourself as a woman or in order to satisfy society or family. It’s still ok to take your time to prepare yourself emotionally and psychologically while you wait for the right one, not ‘Mr Perfect’ (because he most likely doesn’t exist) but ‘Mr Right for You’
 
 
 
By Toolz
I was at a wedding recently and got talking to a friend of a friend, and the inevitable question about my marital status came up. ‘I’m not married’ I said. He seemed to be rather surprised, and said ‘It’s weird because when I see a beautiful girl like you that’s single I sometimes think- what’s wrong with her, why hasn’t she been scooped up?’. I had to mentally restrain myself from head-butting him right in the middle of the wedding! After several calming breaths, I explained to him that I wasn’t married because I hadn’t found the right one yet, and I’d rather take my time and be happily married than marry in a hurry and be in a marital prison. In spite of my better judgment we talked some more and he agreed with my opinion, and I realized that he actually didn’t mean it in a bad way. Sadly he’s not alone with his reasoning. Several times I have overheard conversations where no matter how accomplished a woman is, the fact that she may be over 25 and unmarried means there’s something seriously wrong with her. Till this day I really struggle to understand that concept.
I’m sure we can all recall a conversation (or two) we’ve had or overheard where a certain woman’s achievements have been discussed, and then someone says ‘but she’s not married’ and then you hear the ‘eyaas’ etc. I get it every now and then; it starts off with ‘you’ve done well in your career, but you better go and get married’ as though getting married is the ultimate goal in my life! Don’t get me wrong, a lot of people that know me will tell you that I am very much the hopeless romantic, and getting married is definitely part of my plans, but is it the ultimate goal? No! The ‘you better go and get married’ speeches infuriate me, and I so want to scream ‘is that the only reason I’ve been put on this earth?!!’. Surely in terms of achievements a woman can have in her life, ‘getting married’ should not be the number 1 goal? It is definitely one of the important ones for me, but the main one? Naahh.”

Read full article here
Thanks for reading. Blessed week meus Amigos
Would love to hear your thoughts on the matter?

Combat Boots

I know winter is almost over in most of Southern Africa. But here is a refresher of how to rock one of my favorite winter items. Hope you are having a bad luck free Friday the 13th..  Blessed Weekend Amigos.

WEAVE YOURSELF BOLD

By: Lapaka A Kaimbi

A woman’s hair is her crowning glory and for years her hair has always been an important factor in her appearance. One popular trend is by attaching a weave/hair extensions, this is done by using Brazilian hair, Indian Remi or synthetic hair to enhance ones appearance. As much as hair extensions makes one look good by adding volume to thin hair or adding length to short hair there are negative aspects to it that so many ignore.

TRACTION ALOPECIA, it is a condition that many don’t know about but it is one that frequently occurs in children and young adults. Traction alopecia is defined as a hair loss condition caused by damage to the dermal papilla and hair follicles by constant pulling or tension over a long period. This occurs where hair is thin in areas like the front of the head and around the temple. The causes of traction alopecia are hair extensions fitted in badly, are too heavy, left in the head for a long period, pulled tightly when drawn into a ponytail, overprocessing with chemical like dyes, bleaches and straighteners, clip on extensions that dig into the scalp, twists, locs and lastly by cornrows that are braided too tight and/or are too thin. This results to severe hair loss.

Famous supermodel Naomi Campbell and tennis star Venus Williams have both been seen with bald patches which could be due to traction alopecia. This condition starts with mild scalp irritation and swelling of the follicles which can be felt as dumps on the scalp then finally hair breakage will be evident. Traction alopecia is reversible if it is caught in early stages. This is done by avoiding styles that stresses the scalp and leads to the swelling of the follicles, having loose braids also reduces stress on the scalp. Other ways of preventing/treating traction alopecia is by taking the following steps that promote hair growth like drinking a lot of water, eating healthy, minimizing heat applied on hair, keeping your hair clean and reducing the use of harsh chemical that damages hair follicles. Choosing to incorporate essential oils in your hair treatment like peppermint oil, rosemary oil, and thyme increases circulation on the affected area, and encourages the flow of nutrients from the blood to the follicles leading to the nourishment/restoration of the follicles. Getting a scalp massage and deep conditioning treatment with added castor oil as castor oil is also known to thicken hair and promote regrowth. If the hairstyle is not changed to mitigate the stress on the follicles could result to detrimental effects, follicles becoming permanently damaged and stop producing hair, one would resort to having hair transplant for a long term solution.

So before you get that hairstyle that looks good but leaves you with excruciating pain that you can’t even put your head on a pillow at night, consider the damage you are doing to your crowning glory.

New Blog

I decided to start a new blog on wordpress for various reasons. My current server has issues with Blogger and WordPress gives my readers the option to comment without having to sign up, it also enables me to post from my current phone and i came to believe that it’s somewhat more user-friendly. I’m still new at it, so be patient with me, but this blog is very much the same as my previous blog. I have also decided to repost post from my first blog here, for those that haven’t viewed them yet. I hope you will enjoy reviewing/reading the posts as much as I enjoy making them.

Blessed Week amigos. Até a próxima vez.

Post Navigation